How to get Blog Updates

I know this isn't a "full" blog entry, but I wanted to update you. I just uploaded our new Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy on the site. I also uploaded our application and instructions for SPEED DATING. Lastly, important pages have a box on the bottom for updates. Sign up to get updates when pages change. Just go to the bottom of our Events, Pictures, Links, News, or Dating Tips page, and sign up there. As a bonus, it will also let you know when our BLOG is updated. Cool, eh? lol Go ahead and do it, you know you want to :-) Don't forget to sign up for our GIANT speed dating event coming up on May 10. It's going to be awesome! Come for the dance, too!

Dating has nothing to do with Love

Yes, I said it. Dating does not involve love. I'm not saying you cannot love someone you date, nor date someone you love. I'm saying that for almost all of us, if you go on a date, it is only a date. Too many people read things into something that is not really what they think it is. If you think that dating someone on a regular basis entitles you to anything at all, you are wrong. Without commitment and understanding, dating does not make a relationship.

I think this is where a lot of women get upset with men. Men see dates for what they are - a chance to get together and go out. They don't usually see it as a relationship, or commitment of any kind. However, women see three or four dates as a commitment and/or relationship, and have certain expectations. Then when they find out the guy is dating other women, they get mad at him.

I don't condone dating multiple women while leading them to believe there is a commitment or relationship between you. You need to be clear with everyone that you are not dating them exclusively, nor having expectations of any future together. To do anything else is wrong. Men need to remember that women see things differently, and have hopes and expectations. If a woman is going to go out with you on a third or fourth date, it is usually because she sees a future with you.

Love doesn't have anything to do with the date iteself. Yes, if you love someone, you may choose where you go and what you do based on the person you love. Yes, if you love someone you may want to date them more. Yes, you may fall in love (or at least become smitten) because of what you do on a date. However, that is a function of our psyche, not of the date itself.

I want to clarify that dating and love are not synonyms. To date is merely to do something with a person of the opposite gender (I am dealing with heterosexual activity in this blog, but it also applies to gay and lesbian) that you wish to get to know better or do something with. It usually has a goal of getting acquainted, sharing yourself with the person, showing feelings, or impressing the person.

Love is something that happens whether or not you date someone. Love is the feeling you have or develop for someone else. It can be for a person, animal, or thing. There is plenty of love to go around. Now, why am I bringing this up?

There are many people out there that love to date. They think that dating is the way to make a relationship. They feel that you can't have a relationship without dating. To them I say balderdash. I say that if you are interested in only dating all the time, you lead a lonely life that you want to fill with activities. What about spending time with someone just to be with them? How about sitting on the patio watching the sun set? What about video and popcorn?

Maybe I'm getting a little abstract here, or getting someone upset over this. Let me simplify things.

What makes it a date? It is two people together exclusively (we won't deal with double dating) and usually with romantic overtones. Is that why we don't call it a date any more once you are married? A date is an archaic term, from the days when you got all dressed up and went out someplace - usually a movie and/or dinner or to the malt shop. It meant that a girl was picked up by a boy in his parents' station wagon, they went out, and he had her back by 10 pm.

Nowadays, dating is totally different. Often two people will meet at the restaurant, bar, or movie, they do their thing, head home, then tell their friends about it. Then they get online and chat together about the experience, or email each other to say how much fun they had and planning the next one. Huh? That seems like the same thing we used to do, but with a twist. Now where is the romance and mystique? Were there roses and chivalry? Was he a gentleman and opened doors and walked on the curb side of the sidewalk?

I say to you that dating itself is not love. Don't assume that just because the guy asks you out again that he loves you or has feelings for you. Don't think that if you get him to take you out a lot, he will love you or want a relationship. If you have lots of dates with lots of different people, the only thing you are in love with is dating. Don't confuse dating with love, or think that you must date to show your love.

Dating can be fun and fulfilling. A day at the beach, a night out, a favorite movie. Just remember that if you are getting several poor saps to take you out, or you are fooling several women into dating you, it doesn't make you loved. It makes you lonely. It makes you a user. It makes you wrong. Yes, those are inflammatory words, with this caveat:

If you are dating someone to get acquainted and it doesn't work out, don't keep dating them. Once you get to the point where it is evident that nothing will work out, it is your responsibility to end it nicely, and move on. If you lead people on and make them think they have a chance with you when they really don't, you are doing a disservice to all other single men and women. You are burning someone that may take it out on the next person. You are using someone, and being selfish and uncaring.

Here is my philosophy on dating.

Dating is used to get to know somebody, and get to have a good time with them. Once you know it will not work out, you must stop dating that person, and don't lead them on. It is fine to be friends or let them know you are not exclusive, and do things as such, but be clear that this is the avenue you are taking.

If it does work out, you can continue to date, but there must be more time together than just dates. It is time to move on to more intimate or private time, like watching movies at home, enjoying a home cooked dinner, or even just watching TV together. Dating is still good, but you should be working on the relationship in other areas as well. Compatibility testing comes from being together as much as possible. Most important are the commitment, honesty, and consideration. I say consideration because if you are making your partner incur costs just because you like to date, that is not consideration.

You may think this is harsh, or very short sighted. My point is that too many people out there just want to date as many people as they can. I want to impress upon those people that it is wrong to lead people on. I also want them to realize that there are other people out there that will read more into what they are doing. They are toying with feelings, trust, and hearts. While they are having their fun dating people, without disclosure and honesty, they may break the heart or spirit of someone else. They don't realize that someone may be getting attached or have feelings just because they are dating several times.

Therefore, I am saying that if you are dating a lot, don't think it means love. If someone is dating you, don't think they are doing it because they love you. They may be a player, or may just want to get out of their home as much as possible. Don't assume anything, and disclose all. I guess I'm saying don't be selfish, and realize that there is another person to consider when you are making your choices.

Gerald

Central Coast Singles Blog Beginnings

You might be asking why I have started this blog when I already have the blog on our Myspace page. This is the place where I can come write what is on my mind, and communicate with everyone, no matter who they are or how they get our information.

Blogs are an important way to express and communicate with the internet visitor. It gives me a chance to let you know what my intention is, the vision for this group, and actually write some vignettes for you to read every now and then about dating and relationships. I feel it will have some value to certain people every now and then. Maybe you won't be interested in every post, but I'm sure that sooner or later there will be one that you appreciate.

Why don't I use the one from Myspace or Yahoo? Because I want a broader audience than those formats allow. The Myspace blog is a great place for me to post event information and updates for members. It allows you to see what is going on immediate. The Yahoo blog is not flexible enough for me to incorporate into our site. There is not enough customization or the ability to embed it on our pages.

I also have our Photobucket Album you can peruse to see what we have been up to. Again, I could use flikr with our Yahoo account, or the Myspace pics section, or the Yahoo group. The group is restricted to members, flikr is too basic, and Myspace is limited in space and scope. Photobucket gives us the flexibility for me to do what I need to, and reach out to you. It also lets me tag people, so you can see who is in the picture.

You can actually click on a name in the left column, and see all the pictures they appear in! btw, if you see yourself in a picture, and you are not "tagged" let me know which picture (copy the URL to me in email) and tell me what name you would like to appear. I didn't get to tag everyone.

Speaking of Photobucket, I have completed a remix of pics of our recent activities. I hope you will take a moment out of your day to view it by clicking here. I hope you enjoy the show. It features many things that we have done as a group. I will upload more video to that location, as well.

Of course, you know some of the things we have done, but let me review them here. The pictures show the singles mingles we had in Pismo Beach and Atascadero (I didn't take pics in Santa Maria), our Valentine's Dance, our trip to Solvang and to Piedras Blancas Lighthouse (for a docent led tour) with the elephant seals, Big Chill at the Grad, The Loading Dock, Montana de Oro for a hike up Valencia Peak and a docent led walk along the bluffs, lunch at the Olive Garden, a New Year's Party, FREE dance lessons for the Velvet Slide, Salsa, and West Coast Swing, and so much more stuff.

This has been a happy adventure for me, and I hope for you also. If you have just recently found us, I hope you will join us for as many activities as possible. I try to keep them affordable or FREE, as well as interesting and fun. The more events you go to, the more people you will meet. That is the goal of this group, as you will read in a subsequent blog.

For now, I have to stop because I don't want to get too wordy. I just hope you will visit often, and maybe even subscribe to our RSS feed to be sure you get the latest news from us. Thanks, and I hope to meet you soon1